I’ve just spent the last 30 minutes reading all of the posts I have saved as a draft, 40% written and all ending in …
This seems to be the story of my life currently; always waiting for the ending of the sentence, the end of the story, the next chapter to start. Dear Ellipsis, you are officially THE WORST.
Thanks to Grammer.com I learned that, “The ellipsis can be used to indicate a pause in the flow of a sentence and is especially useful in quoted speech”. Awesome. The ellipsis is used for pausing. I am paused. Life is paused… in limbo… not sure how much time has passed or when it will matter again… in pause.
There are 27 tabs open on my Internet browser right now, each holding a job posting that I need to apply for. Each application sent with a prayer that I won’t be lost in the sea of 200 applications for an administrative assistant position. With each click of ‘apply now’ reminding myself that God has a plan. Each tab will soon to be accompanied by a politely written rejection email.
The current unemployment rate in Minneapolis/St. Paul as of March 7, 2012 is 5.7% which honestly isn’t horrible. The unfortunate part about that number is that it is flawed. It does not account for those that are unable to claim unemployment because they have been unemployed for so long. AND it doesn’t account for people like me who are working minimum wage jobs with shiny college degrees and 7+ years of experience collecting dust on a shelf.
You will never hear me say that I am unemployed. I feel like it sometimes because I am not doing what I am good at or want to do, but I am employed. I spend my mornings laughing and singing show tunes with some wonderful girls while we serve coffee to and flirt with amazing guests. I leave most mornings with a smile on my face because I had fun at work. I’ve also been allowed to continue in a communications position for a church that I love dearly. It’s heartbreaking at times knowing that I will not and have not been afforded the chance to continue on past part-time work, but again… God has a plan. I am not unemployed… I am paused.
I keep thinking about all the things I’ve paused, VHS tapes, DVDs, life dreams (whoa deep). ok, back to fun things. There is a quote from a movie (maybe 40 year old virgin) where one of the characters says ‘if you pause it just right you can see her (an actresses) bare chest’. Ok, I know that is a horrible example but haven’t you ever paused a movie to catch something you thought you missed? Better example: it is rumored and proven that if you pause several Disney movies at just the right moment you can catch words that the illustrators snuck in, i.e. in the Lion King when Simba falls down on a bed of leaves they fly up and spell sex for 2 frames (about 1/10 of a second).
Ok, where the heck is Laura going with this? I’m getting there. I promise.
These past few months I have been paused, I have been at the end of a sentence accompanied by the dreaded ellipsis, BUT the beauty of being paused is that there is a guarantee that SOMETHING is next. Think about it. I’m paused as the leaves fly up in the sky with the guarantee that when play is pushed they will fall with grace. We are all guaranteed that play will be pushed again and that there is something next. Sometimes it just requires a moment of pausing.
I think it’s ironic that I got a tattoo this summer that reads ‘Be Still’ as a daily reminder that God is in control and I should just shut up and let Him work. I just never knew my period of stillness would be so lengthy. I guess I shouldn’t worry so much, tomorrow will always come and the chance for my story to stop being paused is refreshed each time the sun rises. My leaves will fall… someday.