A few weeks ago a friend of mine e-mailed me asking “how is your story compared to last year?” I wrote him this charming letter full of random thoughts and lists. I think it sums my last 365 days up pretty well.
(Oh, btw… check out Andy’s blog. He’s swell.)
My story. Honestly? It’s pretty dang good. I’ve been writing a lot, not publishing any of it because some things just don’t need to be known by the general reading public, but I’ve been writing.
I think the best way to summarize my then and now will be bullet points.
- Just quit job, moved all crap to storage unit, cried my eyes out until it hurt, and did youthworks.
- Painfully afraid that I wouldn’t find a job after youthworks
- Ready to go on an adventure knowing that I had a great family to catch me at the end of it
- Feeling very poor in spirit and in finances
- Having no idea what was going to happen after August
- Ready to stop feeling sorry for myself, serve others, laugh hard, and learn who Laura was again.
- (I don’t know if you know a lot of this but I was in a long relationship, and really kinda lost myself in the process, became really un-fun, super serious, really depressed, and kinda hated me, but decided to do YW to find me (and I did!) woot. Ok, end of side story you may have already known)
- Just got a job. It’s been a whole year of not making enough money to fuel my car, and pay my bills but God has been good, proving His faithfulness even when I am so far away.
- I’ve spent the last year having my heart-broken over and over. Once by a fellow (which… yeh, he was an jerk, but he gave me an iPhone… so win-win?) and over 20 times by jobs.
- I was pushed to my limit several times by people I thought were on my team, and forced to stand up for myself, my values, and tell people to stop walking on me. (that wasn’t easy) I’ve been forced to find my big-girl pants and stand up for myself, call people out on things and be affirmed in what I know about my skill set, talents, and giftedness.
- I’ve had to walk away from a church I loved dearly because one person in power decided that I wasn’t good enough. I’ve had to learn to not believe the lies. (I wasn’t any good at this before this last year)
- I’ve been stuck a few times. I’ve written a couple crappy lines of story, and decided to wallow in self-pity, but then again, even some of our most cherished heroes lose their way.
- At the end of the day, I know who I am, things I’m good at, gifts I’ve been given and people who are on my team.
- Oh, and the biggest thing I’ve learned this last year is that I love to write, and that I’m not bad at it. That was a shocker. Honestly. Had you told me last year that I would be a paid writer, going to grad school for writing… I would have laughed.
To use your crazy West Coast language of “stoked”… Yes, I am stoked. Do I like living my story most days? No, because the more I try to write it, the more I realize that I’m not the only author. If I had it my way, I would have found some hunky piece of man, found a sweet place to live and worked a job that paid me $20 an hour to make pretty pictures, but I don’t get it my way. I love what I’m doing, where I’m going, and who I am becoming, but most days I still feel like a stubborn child stomping their feet in the toy aisle of Target.
Would I change any of it? Nope. Not a single piece. There has been good, there has been bad, there have been mistakes, and triumphs… but most of all there has been adventure of every kind, and that’s what I did all this for… to write a story worth writing this kind of note about, to get off my bum and do something. I did this because it has allowed me to be me, love others, laugh hard, and build relationships with those around me. I am happy.
All-in-all I’d say that this last chapter of my story hasn’t been so bad.