I should be submitting my resume for jobs. I should be doing my laundry. I should be figuring out a way to pay for my recent $2,000 car repair, but I am not.
I am thinking about how blessed I am to have the friends that I have.
There are 400 things I should be doing, but this one feels more important.
I was looking through job rejection emails, you know, to gain some inspiration for submitting resumes tonight. Anyway, I got distracted from the depressing rejection letter email folder by one labeled Jonny Rockstar. (Sorry Jon, please don’t kill me) As I was reading through these letters, reminiscing about our past few years, I was overwhelmed with appreciation for the friend I have in Jon. True, most of our emails were about music, or stupid people or just to say hi, but there were several where we completely dumped our frustrations with where we were living, what God was doing, and how we felt stuck. Funny thing about these letters… I don’t remember them.
I remember all the bad stuff from that time of my life. I remember crying myself to sleep, feeling absolutely alone, eating a lot of Coldstone Icecream, and wishing I was anywhere but where I was, but I don’t remember these letters of encouragement.
As I read one of my letters to Jon I gave myself a high-5. Man, I was encouraging and awesome and inspiring and optimistic when he was in the dumps. But as I read my e-mails where I’m venting, I’m seeing this huge dichotomy between who I encouraged others to be and who I was in the moment.
And I quote, “Jon! You’re going to be awesome. Seriously. God has a plan, and although I wish it was moving you back to Minnesota, I know that He’s not gonna let you down.” As I think back to those first few months in Fargo when I was sharing these letters with Jon, I remember wishing that I could believe those words for my own life, and honestly it’s not the words ‘God has a plan’ that tripped me up… It was the ‘…going to be awesome’ part for myself.
Your early 20’s are your formative years. They are when you really start to figure yourself out, what you are passionate about, and how you like to live. They are also the years where I made most of my huge mistakes. My biggest mistake in my early 20’s? Forgetting who I was.
I could write now about how I secluded myself, lied to people about my level of sadness, changed who I was to have someone love me… blah blah blah. Let’s skip that for now… that’s a whole other adventure. It’s not the process of forgetting who I was that I want to talk about, it’s about the friends who reminded me.
Jon reminded me that I wasn’t alone. He was one of the people who pushed me to make new friends. He was one of the driving forces behind me going to a Fargo Starbux one night to meet a group of crazy hipsters who I can now call some of my best friends. He was just one friend who pushed me into others.
I have been blessed. There are people all over the try-state area (and beyoooooond) who are on my team. They are my friends, my cheerleaders, my coaches, my confidants, my friends. They are the people who saved me from myself. They are the ones who made me look in a mirror and see myself all over again. When I was lost and invisible to myself, they saw me.
Friends are pretty great, right?
…now if one of my friends could just apply for all these jobs for me…