I’ve been thinking long and hard about what to declare as my “new life change” for 2012. I could vow to exercise more, or eat better, or dress nicer or work less… but this year’s resolution is going to be a little more profound… I think.

Dear 2012, I have decided that you will not be another year of feeling lost. You will not be a year where I feel like I am dreamless, and undecided. I had a friend say that the turn of the clock changes nothing, but I refuse to allow another opportunity of change to be missed. I will stop letting my heart fall for all the wrong things. I will pray for those that I care about, that good things would happen to them, even if it means things changing for me. I will make good choices that leave my heart more whole instead of broken. I will rejoice instead of feel jealous, I will laugh instead of feeling sorry for myself, and I will seek out relationships when I feel alone instead of belly aching about. To use one of my co-workers ideas… I will continue to be cute and fun and dance ridiculously just to make others laugh and join with me. I will give and receive good hugs. :)

To: 2011, You brought a lot of excitement and change for my friends and myself. You brought new people and old friends back into my life to challenge me, love me and make me laugh. You gave me great adventure, a life of southern living, and showed me how to be humble. I’m not a huge fan of you in some ways, but I know that when I look back in 5 years, I will see things that happened that made me better. I have some fond memories and some sweet moments of laughter and appreciation that I will cherish dearly. You allowed me to Live a Better Story. I will always remember the nights of dreaming big dreams with Ashley, and the nights of crying over broken hearts with Tracey. I will cherish the day that Randi sent me a picture of an engagement ring, and the sound of Brittany’s voice when she exclaimed, “He proposed!”

I’m not too keen on remembering how it felt to hear my Aunt had cancer, or that my Grandma had died suddenly. I dislike the feeling I get when I remember the last day I saw the family farm, or when my Grandpa asked me who I was. I’m also not a huge fan of wondering how my bills are going to be paid, or when I’ll finally get a full-time job. BUT I know that each struggle enriches my story. They help me to be deeper, go deeper and love deeper. 

So I say goodbye 2011, you weren’t as bad as I think you were, and HELLO 2012! I have a wall calendar that reads, “I’m going to make it through this year if it kills me.” Indeed, I am going to make it through this year and I am going to be happy, supportive and joy filled for all the awesome things happening for the people around me.